Zen Warrior Princess

Have you ever wanted to do something but couldn’t get started? It is hard to get a new routine going, and hard to break an existing habit. Imagine a filed of tall grass. to your left is a well worn path. It’s easy to just follow that path. Humans are inherently lazy and will by default choose the easier path. It take a lot of mental and physical energy to choose a more difficult path. Hence why we are lazy, it’s the most efficient use of energy and to our ancestors, that’s a better path to survival. So we keep doing what we’re doing rather than risk precious resources trying something new.

But you’ve been travelling this well worn path for a long time and you realize that a very attractive tree full of very appealing fruit is in a direction not reached by this well worn path. For whatever reason, your reasons are yours and yours alone, you want that shiny fruit in that tree. To get there, you will have to make an effort to plot a new path to that tree. It’s harder of course, but you’ve already decided it’s worth the effort.

You forge ahead. You return the next day. And the next. Over time, the new path becomes easier, it becomes the well worn path. What happened to the old path? Weeds and grass have grown. Travelling on the new path is now the easy path, and it would take extra effort to go back to the old path.

This analogy works on two levels. First, it’s accessible, you can imagine a field, you’ve walked along the worn path rather than off the path plenty of times in your life. You know it’s true even if you don’t think of yourself as having been lazy in doing so. But secondly, and importantly, your brain also works in a similar way.

Our brains are full of connections. Think of a jumble of wires behind your TV or computer. However, unlike your TV, connections are forged based on our experiences. the more often you do something, the stronger the connection. Amazingly, even imagining doing something strengthens the connection.

Yes, that’s right.

Imagining is practice.

Watching others is also practice.

Does that mean you can lie on the couch watching fitness videos while eating chocolate? Of course not, you will still have a calorie surplus, but your technique will improve, should you also do the exercises. Researchers have demonstrated activation of muscle fibres in response to watching a video. I’ve personally felt it, sitting in a massage chair and watching a man do a one arm lat pull on the same side I was injured. I believe the effect was enhanced because he was wearing a tank and I could clearly see the muscles going through the movement that mine were unable.

What is your routine?

What is missing? What do you want to do more of, or start? Where might you aim to fit that in?

(notice I didn’t ask what you want to stop – change must be in the form of DOING not in the negative – more on that later)

Self-care isn’t something else to do. It’s about making your well-being a priority. It’s not one more thing to schedule in your already busy day. It’s an invitation to reflect upon your schedule and your responsibilities.

Sometimes self-care is presented to you by powers that be that do not want to accept responsibility for their role in your burnout.

If you don’t fuel up your car, it won’t run.

If you don’t recharge your phone, it won’t work when you need it.

Fuel your mind. Recharge your self. Put on your oxygen mask first, so you’ll be able to help others. You have priorities, demands on your time and energy, and to be your best and most effective you, you have to take care of yourself.

Yoga, meditation, eating well, quality time with loved ones… whatever your self-care, whatever fuels you, recharges you, that’s self-care. Prioritize it.

If you’re feeling burnt out, and someone is telling you you need more self-care… take a moment to ask yourself:

What is draining my energy?

What brings me joy?

We all have choices. Even when we think we have no choices, we still have a choice: act or don’t act. The thing about choices is that we all have different choices and our choices can change day to day.

Think of it like a menu in a restaurant. Some days the menu is full of great options. Some days the menu is very limited. Some people have more options on their menus. Focusing on what’s not on your menu is bad for your mental health. Criticizing people for choices based on your menu and not theirs is unfair (that’s the essence of privilege). Exercising choice is empowering.

Today’s choices influence tomorrow’s menu.

Telling yourself that you had no choice is disempowering and feels lousy. Even when your choice is between bad and worse, you will feel more in control of your destiny to remember that you made the choice.